


I wish I knew how I look at you (but you're too busy looking down)

by ryiason



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Fluff, Gen, M/M, More characters im tired, Pining, Rakuzan High Basketball Team (Kuroko no Basuke), Seirin High Basketball Team (Kuroko no Basuke)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:02:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24623665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryiason/pseuds/ryiason
Summary: pining(verb.) to suffer a mental and/or physical decline as the result of a broken heart; to miss or long for;  to yearn deeply.Or Akashi pines for Mayuzumi. Somehow, it works.
Relationships: Akashi Seijuurou/Mayuzumi Chihiro, Hyuuga Junpei/Mibuchi Reo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	I wish I knew how I look at you (but you're too busy looking down)

_There are so many things Akashi wanted to tell him;_ do you have to leave? Why can't you stay? I can't do this without you, _but Akashi smiles and nods as the love of his life starts to walk away, "Thank you, Mayuzumi-san."_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"This is the first time I see you like this, Sei-chan." Reo says as he watches Akashi shoot ball after ball and all of them hitting the mark. "Are you okay?"

 _Am I_? He thinks. _Am I okay_?

When his mother died, something inside of him died with her. He never quite got it back. What Akashi did is try to fill up the void that _thing_ left behind. It doesn't work but he manages.

But this is a different matter: it's not like Mayuzumi-san died, he just graduated. But there's something about him walking away from Akashi that makes the void inside his chest hurt for some reason.

"I think I'm okay." Akashi replies.

Reo looks more worried. "Sei-chan, what do you mean _you think_? You never think! You just _know_! Sei-chan, what's wrong?"

Akashi never really understood the word _lost_ before. Until he fought Seirin and knew the pain of losing. What he's feeling right now isn't that -- yes, there's the urge to cry and to overthink where he went wrong but it's just different this time, and it hurts. A lot. But,

"I don't know." Akashi says. Honest.

  
  
  
  
  


###

  
  
  
  
  
  


Akashi finds out that Mayuzumi-san is in a university in Tokyo. From Midorima's teammate named Takao.

(And strangely, Reo has a crush on the guy. Akashi never pegged Reo to like someone on the opposite team. He was sure Reo liked a reserved player from Rakuzan.)

Anyway.

Akashi hasn't seen or heard from him for months. Mayuzumi had told him to lay off from seeing him 'till graduation. It's _after_ graduation, now, but for some reason, Akashi doesn't know how to contact him.

And _well._

"Takao has been hanging out with him and Kuroko." Midorima informs him on the phone when Midorima calls him again to tell Reo off, _for God's sake, Akashi, nanodayo._ "Takao calls it _The Gathering of The Shadows._ Mayuzumi-san hates it and Kuroko just enjoys the company while Kagami is being tutored by their senpais."

"You know a lot." Akashi points out.

There's a splutter on the other side of the line before Midorima speaks, " _Takao_ tells me these things, alright."

" _Hmm._ "

After that phone call, Akashi starts reading near the window of his room. The sky is clear and the moon is bright and he wonders if Mayuzumi-san is seeing the same thing as he is.

A chime in his phone comes in and it's an unknown number with another unknown number on the message.

_This is Takao btw_

_[Number]_

_This is Mayuyu-san's mobile number_

_^^_

Akashi saves it but doesn't do anything with it.

He sleeps restless that night.  
  
  


###

  
  
  
  


Akashi doesn't think he is _that_ bad until Reo exclaims, "INTERVENTION! ONLY FOR THE STARTING MEMBERS OF RAKUZAN! THE REST OF YOU, OUT!"

The non-starting members of Rakuzan do start shuffling out. The new guy, Maeda, looks like a deer caught in headlights. He looks like he wants nothing more than to be anywhere else than here.

"You," Reo points out to him. "You will stay. You are a member of the starting line, do you understand? The former person you filled up the space of is _important_ to Sei-chan. _You will act accordingly."_

"Y-yes!"

"Hmph." Reo turns his head towards Akashi. "Alright, Sei-chan. Tell us what's wrong."

Akashi _feels_ confused. "What?"

"This had something to do with Mayuzumi-san, right? Did you have a fight when he left?" Hayama asks.

" _What_?"

"Mayuzumi-san, right?" Nebuya butts in. "I mean, the former sha--"

It's _that_ word that got to him. _Former._ Past. Something that can never be brought back. He holds up a hand. " _Stop_."

"Oh…" Reo says.

"It's -- I'm okay."

"Okay at acting of being okay?" Hayama snorts. "Because I can assure you, you're not going to be winning Oscars anytime soon."

Akashi sighs. "He's gone."

Hayama blinks. "Yeah, he graduated. He was a Third Year, then."

"Yeah. I know."

Nebuya frowns. "I don't get it."

"Hmm." Reo hums. "I see."

"What?" Nebuya and Hayama both ask.

"Sei-chan," Reo breathes in. "Do you… perhaps _miss_ Mayuzumi-san?"

 _Miss._ What a word. It is the act of failing in contact. But that's not exactly it, really. Mayuzumi-san has been… something in his life, for a short amount of time. There's something about him that feels familiar to Akashi. He likes how blunt Mayuzumi-san is, how lukewarm (Reo's word), how _boring_ but for Akashi, it just makes him more interesting; it just means he's unpredictable. He unapologetically _loves_ himself, and Akashi somehow admires that strength that he has; that Mayuzumi-san can just accept his weaknesses and live with them. Akashi isn't that. In some ways, he's a coward.

No, he doesn't miss Mayuzumi-san. He's --

" _I'm lonely without him._ " Akashi says. Outloud.

"And there it is." Reo breathes.

"Well," Hayama shrugs. "Yeah. I was kind of pissed off too when he didn't attend the ceremony, you know? We were together for a year! He _hated_ Ei-chan's muscles yelling --"

"-- _Oi!"_

"He's a part of us, whether he likes it or not!"

"That's true." Reo nods.

Akashi looks at all of them and he laughs. "He did leave a print."

"Sei-chan, we all miss Mayuzumi-san. We know how you feel -- well, maybe not _all_ of it but we understand it. But you're _Akashi Seijurou,_ you know? You're the president of the student council _and_ the captain of the basketball team. You faced _Seirin,_ lost and got back up. What is Mayuzumi Chihiro against that?"

Akashi blinks. "You're probably right."

"No," Hayama scowls. " _Not_ probably. Reo-nee is right. Face this obstacle and tackle Mayuzumi-san."

Akashi nods, stands up and says, "I'm going to call him."

"Good going, Sei-chan!"

"Yeah, get him, Akashi!"

He walks out, feeling refreshed.

(It's Maeda who speaks first after Akashi left.

"Akashi-san is in love with the former starting member?"

Reo glares at him. "Sei-chan's taste is questionable but I'm sure he has some good points! Don't judge him!"

"I'll be honest. I didn't know what to tell Akashi." Nebuya breathes a sigh of relief. "I mean, it's Akashi. Is there something he doesn't know?"

"Deal with a crush, apparently." Hayama replies.)

  
  
  
  
  


###

  
  
  
  
  


Akashi said he'll call Mayuzumi-san but he doesn't know… _how._ So, he calls Kuroko for advice.

"Hello, Akashi-kun?"

"Hello, Kuroko --"

And for some reason, Kagami's voice rings like a bell. " _Mayuzumi-san, I beg of you -- don't start throwing Nigou on my face --_ " and Takao's mocking laughter.

"Mayuzumi-san is there?" Akashi feels his blood boil.

"Yes." Kuroko answers calmly. "We were having a gathering but Tai-- _Kagami_ -kun's father sent him a lot of American sweets so I asked them if we can just hold the gathering in Kagami-kun's apartment."

He feels numb. "Midorima will be mad about that."

"Hmm." Kuroko says. Then, "Mayuzumi-san, Akashi-kun is on the phone and he wants to talk to you."

" _Huh_?" Mayuzumi says and this is the first time Akashi hears his voice for months, Akashi blushes. " _What does he need from me_?"

"I don't know. He asks for _you._ "

Akashi hears Mayuzumi click his tongue and there's a sound of shuffling, and " _Hello_?"

Akashi's heart drops. "Mayuzumi-san."

"Yes, that's me."

 _It's him,_ Akashi thinks."It's nice to hear from you."

"Is that what you need from me? Tell me it's nice that you heard from me?"

Akashi closes his eyes tightly. He forgets that this is how he is like. He fell for a person that's difficult to handle. _So are you,_ a voice in his head that sounds so much like Mayuzumi says. He deserves that.

" _Cut the guy some slack, Mayuzumi-san~" Takao cackles. "The guy wanted to hear from you, you know?"_

"Tch."

There are so many things he could say or ask. _I miss you, did you miss me? Without you here, I feel like I'm dying. Your hair and eyes are grey and I'm fond of them but feeling like that color isn't good._ But he settles with, "How are you?"  
  
  
  
  


###

  
  
  
  
  


Akashi wants someone to talk to about his… _feelings._ They are very complicated and even if Kuroko's first advice is, _therapy, Akashi-kun. Tai-- Kagami-kun and I are in one_. Akashi doesn't know why Kuroko keeps on hiding that he calls Kagami by his first name. But Kuroko says, _how about Kise-kun? He deals with Kasamatsu-san and you're both in the same predicament._

 _Deals_. Akashi kind of wants to know the exact meaning of that in Kise's situation.

So, he calls Kise.

"Akashichii?" Kise's voice is sweet and annoyingly cheerful. "Hello?"

"Kise, hi."

"Yep. I'm here~"

Silence.

"I'm sorry. I'm still trying to find the words I want to say."

"Sure. I'm waiting."

"Kuroko told me that you… _deal_ with Kasamatsu-san."

A heavy silence passes them.

" _Deal_ … that sounds very innocent."

"Is it not?"

"Nope. I want Kasamatsu-senpai to destroy me sexually."

Akashi is _floored_. "That's… Kise, that's vulgar."

"Aominechii is worse, you know?" Kise sighs. "I don't know, I just… he's so… you know? I don't know exactly what I like about him. I just woke up one day and I knew I wanted him to like me back."

 _He's in the same predicament_ , Kuroko had said. They really do.

"Akashichii, do you perhaps like Kasamatsu-senpai too?" Kise asks, and the tone of his voice seems very worried.

Akashi wants to laugh. "No. No, no. But… different person."

Another silence.

Then, Kise chuckles. "Mayuzumi-san, huh?"

Akashi tries not to flinch. "That obvious?"

"Akashichii, I say this with utmost respect and affection for you, but you were stalking the guy."

Akashi groans. " _How do I not do that?_ "

Kise just chuckles harder. "Oh, Akashichii…"

That worries Akashi.

  
  
  
  
  


###

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Sei-chan," Reo says airily as he walks towards him. Akashi looks up to see Reo smiling -- a genuine smile that Akashi feels like he wasn't supposed to see. "Can I talk to you?"

Akashi still has too much to do as the Student Council President but, well. "Sure." He leans back to his seat. "What is it?"

"Can I go to Tokyo this weekend?"

"Sure, you can. You don't even need to ask. We don't have any scheduled practice and it's a holiday. You're going with your family?"

"Nope." Reo smiles. "A boyfriend. We just started dating this week."

Akashi frowns. "Takao?"

Reo looks confused for a second and then he laughs. " _No._ Kazu-chan asked me to keep doing it because he wants Midorima to get jealous. My boyfriend is from Seirin."

Akashi probably looks confused because Reo smirks and answers, " _Hyuuga Junpei_."

("You know, if you date me, I swear to be good! It won't even affect our basketball rivalry! I will also stop intimidating your cat."

Hyuuga sighs on the other line. "What cat? We have a dog."

"No, your teammate."

"Don't call my teammate animals, idiot."

"Come on, _Junpei-chan_! Date me! D-A-T-E-M-E! Heart! Heart!"

" _Fine._ " Hyuuga hisses. "Fine, I'll date you."

Reo's eyes widen and he clutches his phone. _Did he say what I think he said_? "You'll date me? You'll be my boyfriend?"

"Keep asking and I'll change my mind!"

" _No! Don't --")_

"The shooting guard of Seirin? _That_ Hyuuga Junpei?"

Reo puffs his chest. " _Yes._ "

Akashi is _floored._ Again. His friends just keep on surprising him. "I didn't even know you were wooing him."

If this was a manga or anime, there would be flowers surrounding Reo. "I didn't want to sabotage it! It's hard enough as it is! I had _two_ rivals, Sei-chan! _Two!_ "

"So, you're visiting him?" Akashi asks.

Reo nods, grinning. "Yep. I figured there is so much to do in Tokyo than here."

Tokyo, huh? That's where Mayuzumi is. _Well_ …

"Can I come with you?" Akashi asks.

"To Tokyo?"

"Yes."

Reo smiles. "Aww, Sei-chan. Mayuzumi-san will be flattered!"

Akashi feels ashamed. So many people already know his feelings for Mayuzumi.

 _You were stalking the guy,_ Kise had said. He really did.

  
  
  
  
  


###

  
  
  
  
  


Hyuuga Junpei is waiting in the train. Akashi sees him at the bottom of the stairs, blushing. He sighs as he goes down, he asks Reo to buy him a drink because of this: Reo will kill this man as soon as Reo sees him.

Also, he needs to give _The_ Talk to Hyuuga Junpei. Hayama said so.

"Hyuuga-san, hello."

Hyuuga turns around and his blushing is replaced by his face decreasing in color. "He told me you'll be coming but knowing and seeing are two different things, damn it."

"I won't be in between your date with Mibuchi-san, if that's what you're worried about."

"Yeah, you're here for your shadow."

Akashi flinches. "Has Mibuchi-san told you that?"

"Nah, instincts."

Akashi closes his eyes and breathes. "I'm just here to tell you that if you hurt Mibuchi-san, _our_ team won't be responsible for what we might do to you."

Silence.

Hyuuga leans his head back. "Eh… that's well rehearsed."

"Will Mibuchi-san be receiving the same talk?"

"Yeah. I have a feeling Kiyoshi might be threatening."

Akashi has so much more to say but he hears it, " _JUNPEI-CHAN!_ " and there is a big body who jumps the _Junpei-chan_ in question.

" _You are going to kill me!"_

Akashi sighs.

  
  
  


"Hello, Mibuchi-san. _Welcome._ " Kuroko says as he opens the door in Kagami's apartment.

Reo looks at his _boyfriend._ The boyfriend shrugs. "They wanted to meet you. The date will be after this."

Reo's eyes shine. "You prepared something?"

Hyuuga splutters as he enters the apartment. "Shut up, and get inside."

"Akashi-kun, welcome."

"Hello, Kuroko."

Then, Kuroko tilts his head upwards a bit and smiles. "Kagami-kun."

"Huh? Akashi and Mibuchi-san are here?"

As if on cue, Reo's voice exclaims, " _JUNPEI-CHAN! YOU'RE SO CUTE!"_ and, " _WILL YOU CALM DOWN, BASTARD!"_

Kagami shudders. " _Junpei-chan…_ "

Akashi nods at Kagami. "Thank you for letting us visit."

"Huh? Oh, yeah. It's okay. You're Tetsuya's friends. I have no choice, either way."

Kuroko lets them inside and Akashi, for some reason, feels… comfortable. _Too_ comfortable that he forgot that Kuroko also has a manipulative streak that can run for miles, if he wants it.

Because one of the kotatsu laid out in Kagami's living room is Mayuzumi Chihiro, eating mandarin oranges. He turns his head and looks as shocked as Akashi feels. "Oh? Akashi?"

Akashi whips his head to Kuroko's direction only to see him in the kitchen, bothering Kagami on what to eat.

The rest of the people inside the apartment are Seirin, Reo, and Takao who are obviously _trying_ not to stare at them.

Akashi has been had. He's an _idiot_.

"H-how are you, Mayuzumi-san?"

Takao's little _pfft-_ \- irritates Akashi but he covers it up with a cough. Akashi sits across Mayuzumi who is now eating and reading.

"Why are you even asking?"

"I'm curious."

"Curious…" Mayuzumi looks at Akashi only to look behind him and says, "Damn. So, it's true. I didn't think you're serious about dating that idiot."

"Mayuzumi-san, how mean!"

"I thought so, too."

" _Junpei-chan!"_

Hyuuga sighs. "I don't have a choice now, right?"

Akashi _sweats_. He doesn't sweat. It's almost impossible to sweat. Kagami's house is _well_ air conditioned. "I was surprised, as well."

"Oh?" Mayuzumi smirks and something inside Akashi _snaps_. " _You_ were surprised? That almost wanted me to see how that went when Mibuchi told you."

"He looked like a fish." Reo admits. "It was adorable. But ah--" he looks lovingly at Hyuuga who doesn't seem too much of it. "You're more adorable, Junpei-chan."

"I really don't care." Hyuuga says.

"I called _another_ man cute, you know?" Reo pouts.

Akashi doesn't know how subtle they think they are but not enough considering Akashi catches Hyuuga looking at Mayuzumi.

Reo receives the message, though. "Eh? You're right."

Akashi wants to go home, all of a sudden.

Kagami enters with plates of food. He's not as dense as Akashi thinks he was because the first question he asks is, "Why are you guys quiet? Who's doing something suspicious?" He has no tact, though.

Mayuzumi snorts as he stands up and Akashi is… Akashi has seen his body, you see. Countless times. Naked or otherwise. And he wasn't _looking_ for… _other_ purposes, then but as a captain of the basketball team. Mayuzumi is lithe. Tall _and_ handsome. The only thing hindering his chances is the fact people can't see him and he's a bit aloof.

But Akashi hasn't seen Mayuzumi for months and as Mayuzumi is standing in front of him, all lean and casual with the longest legs, Akashi thinks of Kise and how he wants Kasamatsu to destroy him sexually. Akashi can feel his lower body react.

 _Shameless_.

"Let me help." Mayuzumi says.

"Thanks, Mayuzumi-san." Kagami replies. "Get us some drinks."

"Sure."

As soon as Mayuzumi leaves, Takao throws Akashi a blanket. Akashi turns around and sees Takao trying not to giggle. The entire Seirin is talking to Reo, and the color in Reo's face is starting to fade. Kiyoshi is smiling as he speaks but Akashi can imagine what he's saying, though.

"Akashi-kun," Kuroko says. "You might want to calm down a bit."

"Wh--"

"Your face is red. And you're stiff. Are you turned on as you saw Mayuzumi-san?"

Akashi's eyes widen. "Kuroko--"

"Akashi-kun, you're a normal boy, after all."

Akashi groans.

  
  
  
  


Hyuuga and Reo leave and Akashi manages to take a picture of Reo's pale face and sends it to the Rakuzan group chat.

**Akashi: I'm sorry I'm not as threatening for Hyuuga-san to look like this**

**Nebuya: LOLOLOL HOW HILARIOUS**

**Nebuya: so? How's mayuzumi-san**

Akashi throws his phone in his bag.

"By the way, how are you going home?" Kagami asks.

"Me?" Akashi says. "Well, with Mibuchi-san, of course."

Kagami looks awkward. "Ah."

Everyone giggles.

"Did I say something wrong?" Akashi turns his head to Kuroko.

Kuroko looks at Mayuzumi.

Mayuzumi replies, "He's not going home. As a matter of fact, you might want to whip out the red rice next time you see him."

Akashi isn't stupid. He knows what he's implying. He blushes. _On the first date_? He thinks.

"I mean, you're capable of paying for a hotel, right?" Kiyoshi asks. "It's too late for you to go home like this."

"But--" Riko insists. "It will be lonely."

"You can stay here." Kagami shrugs. "There's available room or the couch, if you want."

" _Orrrrr_." Takao says, wiggling his eyebrows. "He can stay with Mayuzumi-san."

Mayuzumi frowns. " _What_? In my dorm? _You_ said that place is a dump!"

"He didn't say that." Kuroko says. "He just said _what? This is your place? It looks… something."_

"Is that an imitation of my voice, Kuroko?"

"I'm sorry."

"Anyway…" Kagami looks at Takao and Kuroko wistfully. "Anyway, it makes sense, though. They're teammates."

" _Were_. We _were_ teammates. I already graduated."

"Who cares? You guys still know each other."

"Why me?" Mayuzumi whines. "Kuroko! You know each other in middle school!"

"I'm staying here." Kuroko blinks.

Silence.

Mayuzumi sighs. "Yeah, Akashi, it's better if you stay with me."

Akashi can't help but feel like he's been played.

  
  
  
  


#

  
  
  


Mayuzumi's dorm isn't a 'dump'. The room is small and the building is old but it feels more homely than the castle his father built.

"Pardon my intrusion." Akashi announces as he enters Mayuzumi's room.

"Stop being formal, seriously. You're creeping me out." Mayuzumi clicks his tongue. "Want some tea?"

"Please."

Mayuzumi's back is what he sees when he sits in what seems to be the living room. Kind of hard to tell since it's just one small room, a futon and a small kitchen.

"Akashi," Mayuzumi's voice rings.

"Yes?"

"Are you in love with me?"

Akashi's world comes crashing down. "Pardon?"

"You're gonna act dumb?"

Akashi closes his mouth with a click.

Mayuzumi turns around with two cups. "Well?"

"I--" _I am_ , is the answer. But his voice curls itself.

Mayuzumi sighs. He puts the tea in front of Akashi and sits across him. "I never wanted to deal with this. But Kuroko raised some good points. Also, I am older than you."

"How did you know?" Akashi asks, voice small. This is the first time he feels… little.

The realisation that it's because his heart is in the hands of his upperclassman who developed his emotions around light novels about magical girls.

Mayuzumi can make him or break him.

"I… I think we should take it slow." Mayuzumi says, softly. Or as soft Mayuzumi can be.

Akashi looks at him, shocked.

"There are a lot of things we should fix first. Your dad, your psychological welfare, my instincts to run away from any emotions and -- let's just say we have so many issues that our issues probably have their own issues."

 _Hold on!_ Akashi screams in his head. _I need to put my Kuroko- common sense on. Does he mean he likes me back?_

"Mayuzumi-san, do you like me back?" Akashi asks.

Mayuzumi just smirks. As he opens his mouth, Akashi's eyes widen.

  
  
  
  


#

  
  
  
  


"Mibuchi-san," Akashi says.

Reo doesn't look any different even when Akashi knows what he was up to when he left Akashi to fend himself in the hands of evil, _evil_ people.

"Yes, Sei-chan?"

"You will have a different training exercise, starting today. It will last for a week."

"Eh?"

"Riko-san of Seirin prepared this for you."

" _Ehhhhhhh?_ "

"Well, I thought, since you're dating Hyuuga-san who is the Captain of Seirin, you should also get a taste of how hard he's working."

"W-why do I feel like you're mad, Sei-chan?"

(" _Yes, I do like you." Mayuzumi sips his tea. "And to answer your question on how I knew, well… Mibuchi Reo is a sly person, to begin with."_ )

"Not mad." Akashi smiles, and it has the perfect effect he wants to portray as everyone who sees it, shudders. "Just repaying a debt."

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i will do another of this where they're actually become officially together lolol
> 
> edit 23/06/20: just a little adjustment with this the typing and the spacing carry on


End file.
